So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
