So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
