saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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