we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
