woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
