you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
