I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
did you just send me my own nude
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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