sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
