I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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