Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
