The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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