K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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