I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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