you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
