my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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