My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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