I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
