If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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