even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
