went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I love you. Go after that dick
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
