Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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