i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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