Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
