STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
