U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
