my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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