You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
