I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
