after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
