The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
