Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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