He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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