Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
