Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
