thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
