When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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