I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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