sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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