Don't you send me to vm
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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