Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
