His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
