He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
