somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Two words: blizzard sex
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
