I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
