it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
