I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
