i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
