Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
