My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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