I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
