I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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