I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
